2005 - Todd Placek

A recount of Todd’s preparation for Sunday’s play for the title and donning of The Jacket. A night that Todd can’t remember and the day he (we) will never forget.

The conclusion of Saturday’s play for the Placek group saw the green flag drop for the race back to The Gong to watch Mark and Justin play their rugby Grand Final. By the time they arrived at WIN Stadium it was confirmed that Todd and Richard were in the Leader Group for sunday’s play. Richard broke out in a nervous sweat, which is not unusual for an Overnight Leader. It was light beer only for the Overnight Leader. Todd, well he commenced training immediately by ordering beers and Bundys. The well lubricated Uni supporters, who had started drinking at breakfast time, quickly took Todd under their control and assured his parents ‘Don’t worry Mr and Mrs P we’ll look after him, he’ll be right’.

It was a tough close Grand Final but not Uni’s night. Supporters adjourned to the Master Builders to talk about what should and could have been and with every beer and Bundy it was getting close to beating TechTahs fifty nil. The grog flowed until the bar was closed at midnight. The Overnight Leader was ready to go to bed as it was a 5am start from Brownsville. Todd, who by now looked like he played the game, had yellow electrical tape around his joggers and his head. He announced that his preparation for tomorrow’s game was not complete and “the lad’s” had more advice for him and it would take the rest of the night to complete the preparation. The Overnight Leader had only one thing to say to Todd, “I leave home at 5am and if you are not there I leave without you”.

The Overnight Leader woke at 4.30am and was asked by his concerned wife “is Todd home ?”. “You better give a call” was the call from a warm bed. “No, bugger him, he was told what would happen it he was not here”. Some might misconstrue this as the Overnight Leader’s strategy to increase his chances of claiming the title by eliminating some opposition. Well, at 4.50am walks in this thing that appeared to be a cross between a Preying Mantas and an Orangutan. You can tell it’s pissed as a parrot by the feable attempt at humour, that perpetual grin and the walls of the hallway that keep him from walking in circles. “Get in the shower!!!!” comes an instruction from the warm bed. “Get in the car!!!!” bellows the Overnight Leader. “You stink “ chips in young Andrew. “We’ll find something to eat on our way down” was the Overnight Leader’s plan for breakfast.

The trip to The Mook was fairly quiet as Todd and Andrew slept. Andrew was right, Todd stunk. As the trip went on there were no opportunities to stop for breakfast. “There’ll be something in Ulladulla” the Overnight Leader assured himself. What was of most concern to the Overnight Leader was the horrid fumes coming from Todd’s exhaled air and the effect it would have on the Blood Alcohol Concentration for himself and young Andrew. By the time we get to The Mook we will all be about 0.09.

We finally arrive at a Servo in Ulladulla and look forward to breakfast only to be greeted with “sorry luv, we have no hot food but try some of these choc bars”. And that’s what we did – choc bars for breakfast. By the way, Todd had no interest in breakfast.

It was too early to go to the golf course so we drive to Bombora Cres to see what’s doin’. We arrived to see other walking dead checking their BACs using Bazza’s analyzer. The walking dead recognized Todd and insisted that he be tested. Well, the analyzer was stumped. Never before had it been subjected to such a high reading, it freaked out and simply gave a result of “HOT”. Bazza is still trying to purge the analyzer so it can be re zeroed.

Time to go to the golf course, the walking dead were trying to work out who was able to drive. At the golf course, Todd decided it was time to eat. It was very early and the pies were not yet warm or, as Todd was to find out, thawed. But if you are hungry enough you will eat a part frozen pie. Todd’s taste test, “actually it wasn’t too bad”.

Todd’s next challenge was to stand steady long enough to hit a golf ball – just to hit it. Well, you had to be there to believe it. Todd addresses the ball and still wearing the yellow tape around his shoes. The Leader Group ( Nick, Pete and Richard) is somewhat puzzled by Todd’s swaying action. Some check the strength of the wind – there was no wind. “Are you ok Todd?” asks a concerned Nick. Pete’s eyes were as big as dinner plates “I’m a shoe in now, Richard can’t put two games together, Todd can’t even stand up and Nick will throw the game and let the old man win” was the dream going through his mind.

Todd’s overnight preparation and advice from the Uni boys paid of. Todd’s first shot saw Pete’s eyes slam shut in disbelief. “lucky bastard” was the only words Pete could come out with, “we’ll see what your next shot is like”.

This recount concludes by acknowledging that Todd, after three consecutive years as Bride’s Maid, went on to get 88 off the stick and winning by 4 points.

But wait, there’s more.

Being the supreme elite athlete Todd has proven himself to be, he remembered that one should do a proper warm down after such a grueling event. The boys from the Uni would ensure his warm down was complete. Todd arrived home on Sunday afternoon, showered and asked Kate to take him to The North Gong. The warm down was probably disproportional to the effort put in during Sunday’s game and Todd returned home on MONDAY afternoon. His performance was legendary.

As related by Richard Placek